Laid Off, Single, and Confused
I'm not quite sure where this is going yet, so bear with me.
The prompt here was “Beginnings are hard..,” but why is nobody saying “Pauses are hard..?”
Sure, beginnings - like the one when you graduated from B-school - are hard. But what about pauses? Like the one where you (I) get laid off from a job you (mostly) love? OR, like when you (I) break up with the guy you’ve (I’ve) been dating for over a year, and just as you (I) start to (pretend to) enjoy being single and making the most out of the NYC cheese platter, you (I) meet a guy.
Where does that leave me? Still single, newly laid off, lonely as shit, stingy, and confused….
1. Single
Yes, I’m a strong, independent woman, but I’m also SURROUNDED by people getting engaged, married, or pregnant. It’s crippling. I want to have someone to hold hands with on fifth ave, someone to plan date nights for, someone to pass this lonely as shit, stingy phase of my year with. But, haven’t you heard? All of NYC is on vacation, single men included.
That’s not really the issue though. The issue is, I met a guy. He’s fucking amazing in ways that I’m sure are illegal. Tall, easy on the eyes, kind, affectionate, and smart. My friends have been saying I’m smitten and I’ve been nodding in denial, but at this point, I’d be delusional to say no. I am smitten.
But, what’s next? I’ll tell you — nothing. As much as I want to go all out and scream from my rooftop that this guy is pure fucking magic - flaws and all included - I also can’t. He says he likes me, but he’s also seeing other people. Which isn’t all that bad? Some commitment would be nice, but this is NYC and dating here is an actual curse..
It’s all kind of up in the air, and that’s fine for now.
But it does leave me single, still.
2. Laid Off
Everybody and their mom is getting laid off, I know. Does it make me feel better? It did for the first two weeks, now not so much.
I’m smarter than most people, I’m driven, I’m creative, I’m so much more than the words I can use here or on my resume, but I need a fucking visa sponsorship. And that my friends, is my biggest weakness in this fuck-all market.
Honestly, I don’t know what else to say about being laid off. It was so outside of my control, and apparently, until the holidays are over, it’s outside of my control to change that status too.
Just gotta hold on tight and ride the wave until the recruiters are back in office. I’ve never been good at the waiting game, but I’m sure I’ll be grateful for the humbling experience soon enough!
3. Confused
Clarity is overrated. I’ve always been a 5-year-plan person, but over this past year I’ve realized, I can’t follow that plan anymore. I want to enjoy my TODAY. I want to walk slower because I like the lights on the street, and I want to have that third cup of coffee because what if I can’t tomorrow? What if it’s too cold to step out? What if I get hit by a bike on the street? What if nothing works in my favor and I have to move back to India in a few months? No more plans. I’m just gonna take it one day at a time.
I’m 25 and healthy, living in the best city in the whole wide world. This was the dream. The jobs, and the men will all come and go. But this? Me, today, happy and fit - I won’t get this day back. So after sulking and sleeping pretty much all day long, I’ve come to the realization that it’s not all that bad after all.
I am single, I was laid off, I am confused about what tomorrow will have in store for me, but I am OK. So for now, I’ll take OK, over fantastic.
Keep your fingers crossed for me.