What is The American Dream & Does It Still Exist?

Unsure what the big American Dream was meant to be, but I'm living some version of it..I suppose?

I come from a long line of ambitious individuals. Ambitious is different ways, and comfortable in all of the same. And, moving 7 seas away wasn’t necessarily considered a medium of growth, where I come from.

When I decided that this was the path I wanted to take—one of grave discomfort, upending my life at age 24—they all supported me. Because while they may not have chased it, they did understand it: The American Dream. High-paying jobs, the suburban (read: palatial) home, the travels, and the riches.

What nobody tells you is the cost of this American Dream. The immigrant guilt. The loss of love and life in your every day. You miss birthdays and anniversaries, but tell yourself that it’s okay, you’ll make it up at the end of the year with the best gifts and uninterrupted time together.

Then, you miss weddings, then you miss births. You miss many of the firsts that you would give an arm and a leg for. And suddenly, the cost hits you. Slowly, the time away from home robs you of the very thing that gives meaning to life: milestones.

Slowly, you sink into the routine of your everyday. You wake up and drink a tall cup of coffee, and head to work. Make it back at 8 PM if you’re lucky and run to the gym. Come back, cook dinner, do the dishes, and call it. You get busy at work, then busier. The money is good, but it doesn’t afford you any of the luxuries you hoped for. The work is exciting, but somehow, you’re the outcast.

On a business call, someone says “I love your accent,” and just like that, suddenly and meaninglessly, you are reminded that you do not belong.

That evening, you call your mom. You catch up with her and she supplies you with all the gossip in the world, tells you about her new friend group, shares updates on your little nephew, and tells you that she’s proud of you. You wash off the day, and tell yourself to get thicker skin—your confidence will make a lot of people uncomfortable and that this is par for the course. But, you earned a seat at the table. So while you work hard (and harder than most other people), enjoy it and then own it.

Just as you’re beginning to own it, you get laid off (you’ve all heard that story before), and everything changes.

You spend months trying to land an offer. You don’t.

You start a passion project out of your living room, preparing yourself for more rejection and disappointment.

But it lands! It works out, and a few months in, you build a strong community, you get a Green Card, you find a loving partner (more on that in another post, for sure), and you land a contract gig that pays the bills. Slowly, you rebuild all that was lost. You can buy your mom that gift again, and send home goodies for your nephew, and take that vacation with your partner. And before you know it, you’re back on your feet.

All of this discomfort, change, upheaval, success, joy, and growth, begs the question: what was the dream? Because this was not it. This—whatever this is—is great. It’s full and happy, but it’s different from what you imagined. It’s different from the title promotions & the raises—the celebrations you envisioned.

You acknowledge that there’s much more elevation where you are.

Where you are, you are recognized for what you’re building, for your value system, for your resilience, and your grit. But there’s some stuff you still don’t have access to.

And then you remind yourself that this isn’t forever. This is a period of time, a phase of change. And it’ll likely be followed by another season of change, and so goes life.

On the other side, you have more to build, more to do, more to learn. And you will.

The American Dream is what you make of it. It’s the partner you want to build a life with. It’s the work that you couldn’t do anywhere but in New York City. It’s the friends who feel like home, though you are so so so so far away from home.

The American Dream is knowing that if you could survive thus far, you can survive anything. But what will truly tide you over is knowing that you will find a way to thrive.

Your American Dream is what you make of it.

So here I am, just like so many of you, building away.